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“Now That He's 18...”

   

Description from Mommykat Bubbly Chick: Our oldest foster son got a call yesterday from his 'family' to wish him a happy b-day. he got the same call the day he turned 17, and he last had a visit Jan 08. These calls are upsetting, but I am supposed to promote family contact as part of my job. I feel like a real ****** because I have to watch our son suffer. Just needed to vent!

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Read the comments (or add your own)

  1. Science Chick Runs Sibes
    Science Chick Runs Sibes says:

    Vent away…you made a handsome pick for him. BTW, does he leave the foster system when he turns 18 or do you get to “keep” him longer?

  2. Mommykat Bubbly Chick
    Mommykat Bubbly Chick says:

    Special needs allows till 21. but he is OUR family, OUR son… If they could commit to a set schedule…even four times a year…something structured, (my autistic children love structure) to contact him, it would be easier on him, I think.

  3. Science Chick Runs Sibes
    Science Chick Runs Sibes says:

    I had a feeling that irrespective of what the state dictates that he was yours forever.

    It’s so sad when parents can’t see the needs of their child. My current tutoree’s dad won’t set requirements to do homework (very minimal from me and nothing from the school) before evening TV because he (the Dad) might miss watching something.

    This means all the kid gets is 2 hours a week from me and no outside reinforcement. There’s nothing happening on the school front to help the dyslexia either. And, the kid already is anxious that he can’t see progress. I talk to the Dad after every session–explaining the benefits. ARGGGG. I’m at my wit’s end and can’t see a solution.

  4. Mommykat Bubbly Chick
    Mommykat Bubbly Chick says:

    :D True, he is! And I wouldn’t want to keep them from knowing him, if it was healthy contact, you know?

    That is so sad…I wish we could show these parents…the rewards are so great when our children have sucess!
    My children have snack, then straight to homework…everything else waits, even karate!
    If Homework isnt done, no sports, or even chello practice for Rhi. For Zak, i have to set limits…like 45 minutes for research, and 30 minutes for math, then show me what you have finished (Adhd requires that supervision to stay on track)
    It is a lot of work to raise healthy, and educated children, but someday they will be the grownups who change the world.

  5. No Photo
    Jeannes Gems - Gem Chick says:

    oh Lorrie, how heartbreaking and confusing for Jeremy. Do you have any notice before they call so you can prepare him? I would imagine if you ask them to call back in an hour, you’d be concerned they might not.
    I so wish there were more parents like you that set and adhere to guidelines and structures for their children.

  6. Mommykat Bubbly Chick
    Mommykat Bubbly Chick says:

    Jeanne, his visits are scheduled by court every two weeks… he has in the past 6+ years had 8 or 9 visits total…further & further apart. I told him that everyone loves him, and they just want him to be happy, and he is our sonwho we are so lucky to have, and that we chose him and MOM & DAD will always love him; ect… Two years ago they (fam) didnt call at all, and the year before called & told him they were coming for a visit, then called & reminded him the day before…then called me next day, said we aren’t coming- you tell him! UGH!!

    but if I dont keep the lines open, I could compromise the agency. Unfortunatly there is an agency financially responsible for DR & Medical, and prescriptions. (we cant afford to loose that)

  7. No Photo
    Jeannes Gems - Gem Chick says:

    You’re definitely in a tough situation there. All you can do is reassure him that you love and he is your family forever. Which I know you are!

  8. Mommykat Bubbly Chick
    Mommykat Bubbly Chick says:

    :D yeah, and if only I could win the lottery or something… oh wait; I don’t play the lottery! LOL!

  9. Mommykat Bubbly Chick
    Mommykat Bubbly Chick says:

    Ooooh, but if I ever did I would want my living rooom bigger. So it had room for three big teenage boys!

  10. Dizzy Chick Lori Z
    Dizzy Chick Lori Z says:

    What a sad excuse for a “family” your son has. He’s lucky to have yours where he can be truly loved. I would feel confident that he will choose to remain YOUR son when his foster time is over. How could he not?

    I will make a wish for you to find a winning lottery ticket, too! :D

  11. Mommykat Bubbly Chick
    Mommykat Bubbly Chick says:

    :D thanks, Lori!

  12. Valentine Chick
    Valentine Chick says:

    O the frustrations we all see as educators, parents, etc. It is very sad really. Sometimes I wish there was a test you had to pass to bear children! HOw could one do that to their

  13. Valentine Chick
    Valentine Chick says:

    oops sorry! So many emotions took over…

    now to finish my thought…

    OWN FLESHING BLOOD? Lorrie, You are more of a mom to those children than the biologicals could ever be…for sure!!! They are so fortunate to have you, the constant, in their lives!! And you are right, you do what you feel is right, and they are going to go on and be those grown ups who will also positively change someone’s life. Hang in there! And truly, the “real parents” are those who will be there to pick up the pieces and show the love when the biologicals aren’t.

  14. Valentine Chick
    Valentine Chick says:

    Whew! I had a lot to say! Just wanted you to know that the CHICK club is behind you all the way!!!!!!

  15. grama rose aka stormy
    grama rose aka stormy says:

    LOVE YA chickie you hang in there it is not easy but you will reap the rewards of knowing that you have done a wonderful thing..raising kids these days is no picnic and you are very strong and good..Hang in there with your strength he will be fine…DEB

  16. Mommykat Bubbly Chick
    Mommykat Bubbly Chick says:

    Thanks everyone! Jeremy had a great morning today. Eriks Mom & Dad came over for a birthday bruch celebration. The kids always love that!

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